Laughter the Best Medicine

     

. nice one mr.kithsiri
most peoples in western countries use back door as safe entrance

කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා wrote:

Rana wrote:          . nice one mr.kithsiri
most peoples in western countries  use back  door as  safe entrance

කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා wrote:

Safe yes, but must be carefully coordinated, if exiting happens during entrance it can get real messy. Even a gust of wayward wind from exit can alter sentiment pretty fast leading to a flaccid situation jeopardizing the entire venture.

A rich Sheikh was admitted at Lilavati Hospital in Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.
Finally a Malayalee named Rajappan Neyyattinkara, Kerala was located who had a similar type of blood.
Rajappan willingly donated his blood for the Sheikh.
After the surgery, the Sheikh sent Rajappan as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Toyota Prado, Diamonds, Lapiz Lazuli Jewellery, and a Million Dinars.
Once again the Sheikh had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned Rajappan, who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Sheikh sent Rajappan a thank you card and a jar of Almond Halwa sweets.
Rajappan was shocked to see that the Sheikh this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Sheikh and said 'This time also I thought that you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery.... but you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets.'
To this the Sheikh replied: 'Mone' Rajappa...now I have a Malayalee's blood in my veins !

Wife: What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus..

Wife: What do you mean ??

Husband: I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!

Wife: "That's AWESOME, if you do that, I'll also do like Mary and show up pregnant untouched by my husband."

Husband stayed home all Easter

Thanks Kith.

A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38.

The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.

Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.

The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."

Business is Business !

https://www.facebook.com/er.fosla/videos/831785880330114/

There aren’t that many HR jokes around, but this one not only takes the biscuit, but raises a number of issues about attracting candidates!

An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her. “Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher orders. We’re instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you’d like to go for all eternity.”

“Actually, I think I’d prefer heaven”, said the woman. “Sorry, we have rules…” at which St. Peter put the HR manager into the downward bound elevator.

As the doors opened in Hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends, past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks, and they talked about old times.

They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil (who was actually rather nice) and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing.

Before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the harp and singing; which was almost as enjoyable as her day in Hell. At the day’s end St. Peter returned. “So,” he said, “You’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven”. “You must choose between the two.”

The woman thought for a second and replied: “Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose Hell.”

Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stuttered the HR manager, “The other day I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club. We ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there is, is just dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil simply looked at her and smiled, “Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff.”

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into  Hooters Resto-Bar

The place was hopping with music &  loud conversation -- and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers!

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?'

The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'

'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, a little later the lights went momentarily out, again!

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stood up to give the nun a loud round of applause!

She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'

"Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender,'Would you like a drink ?"

'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.

'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out !,  now, how about that drink ?

A small boy parks his bicycle near the Parliament house and walks on.

A police constable stops him and asks: Why did you park your bicycle here?
Don't you know about this road? Many MPs, sometimes CMs, even President and cabinet ministers and politicians pass from here.

The boy replied innocently: Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle.

Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer...
Lady Next To Him - What A Coincidence, Even I Have Ordered Kingfisher.
Man - I'm Celebrating.
Lady - Me too.
Man - What A Coincidence. Why are you Celebrating?
Lady - My Husband & I Have Tried 4 Years For A Baby... Today I'm Pregnant.
Man - What A Coincidence! I Am A Farmer. For 4 Yrs My Hens couldn't lay any eggs. Today All are Laying Eggs !
Lady - Wow! How Did That Happen?
Man - I Used A Different Cock !
Lady Smiled & Said, *WHAT A COINCIDENCE !*

A lady was having an affair.
One rainy day she was in bed with her BF when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
'OMG - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window.
BF: It's raining out there!'
Lady: 'If my husb catches us, he'll kill us!.
BF jumps out of the window!
As he ran down the street in rain, he discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's marathon,
He started running alongwith the others, 300 of them.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner: 'Do you always run carrying clothes under your arm?'
'Oh, yes' BF answered. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and go home!'
3rd runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Nope..just when it's raining.

What a coincidence ...thanks kith..

What a coincidence - I was a Marathon runner !

කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා wrote:What a coincidence - I was a Marathon runner !

ඉස්සරත් ග්‍රීස් යක්කු ඉදල තියෙනවා එහෙනම්....