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Laughter the Best Medicine

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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Sat Mar 11, 2017 9:09 am

A priest and a layman were seated next to each other on a flight.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The layman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the priest if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely attacked by a dozen sleazy women than let liquor touch my lips."
The layman looked at the priest, then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too".
"I didn't know we had a choice."  Embarassed

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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Mon Mar 20, 2017 1:42 am

Surprised  Surprised  Surprised  Surprised

Laughter the Best Medicine Rantam10

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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:49 am

Laughter the Best Medicine Fp10

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I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.
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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by Rana on Thu Mar 23, 2017 10:56 am

lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!. nice one mr.kithsiri
most peoples in western countries use back door as safe entrance
කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා wrote:
Laughter the Best Medicine Fp10

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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by Backstage on Fri Mar 24, 2017 12:43 pm

Rana wrote: lol!  lol!  lol!  lol!  lol!  lol!. nice one mr.kithsiri
most peoples in western countries  use back  door as  safe entrance
කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා wrote:
Laughter the Best Medicine Fp10


Safe yes, but must be carefully coordinated, if exiting happens during entrance it can get real messy. Even a gust of wayward wind from exit can alter sentiment pretty fast leading to a flaccid situation jeopardizing the entire venture. Neutral
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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Fri Mar 24, 2017 2:07 pm

A rich Sheikh was admitted at Lilavati Hospital in Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries.
Finally a Malayalee named Rajappan Neyyattinkara, Kerala was located who had a similar type of blood.
Rajappan willingly donated his blood for the Sheikh.
After the surgery, the Sheikh sent Rajappan as appreciation for giving his blood, a new Toyota Prado, Diamonds, Lapiz Lazuli Jewellery, and a Million Dinars.
Once again the Sheikh had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned Rajappan, who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Sheikh sent Rajappan a thank you card and a jar of Almond Halwa sweets.
Rajappan was shocked to see that the Sheikh this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Sheikh and said 'This time also I thought that you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewellery.... but you gave only a thank you card and a jar of Almond sweets.'
To this the Sheikh replied: 'Mone' Rajappa...now I have a Malayalee's blood in my veins !
Rolling Eyes

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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty PLANS FOR EASTER

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:56 am

Wife: What are your plans for Easter?

Husband: Same as Jesus..

Wife: What do you mean ??

Husband: I will disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday!

Wife: "That's AWESOME, if you do that, I'll also do like Mary and show up pregnant untouched by my husband."

Husband stayed home all Easter
Very Happy

_________________
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Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Tue Mar 28, 2017 8:58 am

How did a Chinese guy end up with a Tamil name
I recently met a Chinese man in Toronto and got to know that his name was Kannaswami.
I asked him, "How did you ever get a name like that being a Chinese?"
He said -"Many, many years ago when I first went to Canada, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter.
The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee.
The white lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?"
He replied "Kannaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
Very Happy

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Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Fri Mar 31, 2017 8:37 pm

(Overheard at the funeral of a socialite--
Tearful mourner- "Finally they are together "..
Sobbing Family member- "What do you mean ....??"
Tearful mourner- "Her Legs"

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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Mon Apr 24, 2017 10:09 pm


_________________
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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by Ethical Trader on Tue Apr 25, 2017 7:43 am

Thanks Kith.
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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Tue Apr 25, 2017 5:46 pm

A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38.

The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers.

Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them.
The Chinese guy buys 25 pairs.

He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty.

The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each.

The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each.

The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 bras and asks the Chinese guy, "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?"

The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to you Jews for $200.00 each."

Business is Business !

_________________
I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.
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කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා
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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by sashimaal on Tue Apr 25, 2017 8:21 pm

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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by sashimaal on Tue Apr 25, 2017 10:57 pm

අපි නැගිටිනකන් බලන් ඉන්නෙ,
බස් එකෙ හිටන් යන අය විතරයි...
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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty Re: Laughter the Best Medicine

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Wed Apr 26, 2017 10:35 am

Laughter the Best Medicine P221

Laughter the Best Medicine P125

_________________
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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty The best HR joke in the world

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Sat May 06, 2017 6:27 pm

There aren’t that many HR jokes around, but this one not only takes the biscuit, but raises a number of issues about attracting candidates!

An HR manager was knocked down (tragically) by a bus and was killed. Her soul arrived at the Pearly Gates, where St.Peter welcomed her. “Before you get settled in” he said, “We have a little problem…you see, we’ve never had a HR manager make it this far before and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”

“Oh, I see,” said the woman, “can’t you just let me in?”

“Well, I’d like to,” said St Peter, “But I have higher orders. We’re instructed to let you have a day in hell and a day in heaven, and then you are to choose where you’d like to go for all eternity.”

“Actually, I think I’d prefer heaven”, said the woman. “Sorry, we have rules…” at which St. Peter put the HR manager into the downward bound elevator.

As the doors opened in Hell she stepped out onto a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club; around her were many friends, past fellow executives, all smartly dressed, happy, and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks, and they talked about old times.

They played a perfect round of golf and afterwards went to the country club where she enjoyed a superb steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil (who was actually rather nice) and she had a wonderful night telling jokes and dancing.

Before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everyone shook her hand and waved goodbye as she stepped into the elevator. The elevator went back up to heaven where St. Peter was waiting for her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds, playing the harp and singing; which was almost as enjoyable as her day in Hell. At the day’s end St. Peter returned. “So,” he said, “You’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven”. “You must choose between the two.”

The woman thought for a second and replied: “Well, heaven is certainly lovely, but I actually had a better time in hell. I choose Hell.”

Accordingly, St. Peter took her to the elevator again and she went back down to hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in old sacks. The Devil approached and put his arm around her.

“I don’t understand,” stuttered the HR manager, “The other day I was here, and there was a golf course, and a country club. We ate lobster, and we danced and had a wonderful happy time. Now all there is, is just dirty wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.”

The Devil simply looked at her and smiled, “Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you’re staff.”

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Laughter the Best Medicine Empty ජාතික කොඩියවත් රටේදීම මහගන්න බැරි රට ගැන වෙන මොන කතාද මල්ලී

Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Mon May 08, 2017 9:04 am

Laughter the Best Medicine Nf10

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Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Fri May 12, 2017 7:32 am

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into  Hooters Resto-Bar

The place was hopping with music &  loud conversation -- and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers!

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?'

The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'

'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, a little later the lights went momentarily out, again!

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stood up to give the nun a loud round of applause!

She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'

"Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender,'Would you like a drink ?"

'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.

'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out !,  now, how about that drink ? affraid

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Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Wed May 31, 2017 8:43 am

Laughter the Best Medicine 18740610

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Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Wed Jun 07, 2017 12:53 am

A small boy parks his bicycle near the Parliament house and walks on.

A police constable stops him and asks: Why did you park your bicycle here?
Don't you know about this road? Many MPs, sometimes CMs, even President and cabinet ministers and politicians pass from here.

The boy replied innocently: Don't worry, I have locked my bicycle. bounce

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Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Thu Jun 08, 2017 8:04 pm

Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer...
Lady Next To Him - What A Coincidence, Even I Have Ordered Kingfisher.
Man - I'm Celebrating.
Lady - Me too.
Man - What A Coincidence. Why are you Celebrating?
Lady - My Husband & I Have Tried 4 Years For A Baby... Today I'm Pregnant.
Man - What A Coincidence! I Am A Farmer. For 4 Yrs My Hens couldn't lay any eggs. Today All are Laying Eggs !
Lady - Wow! How Did That Happen?
Man - I Used A Different Cock !
Lady Smiled & Said, *WHAT A COINCIDENCE !* Very Happy

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Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Thu Jun 08, 2017 10:59 pm

A lady was having an affair.
One rainy day she was in bed with her BF when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
'OMG - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window.
BF: It's raining out there!'
Lady: 'If my husb catches us, he'll kill us!.
BF jumps out of the window!
As he ran down the street in rain, he discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's marathon,
He started running alongwith the others, 300 of them.
After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked.
'Oh yes!' he replied. 'It feels so wonderfully free!'
Another runner: 'Do you always run carrying clothes under your arm?'
'Oh, yes' BF answered. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and go home!'
3rd runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?'
'Nope..just when it's raining. Embarassed

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Post by spw19721 on Fri Jun 09, 2017 1:35 pm

What a coincidence ...thanks kith..
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Post by කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා on Fri Jun 09, 2017 1:42 pm

What a coincidence - I was a Marathon runner ! Embarassed

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Post by spw19721 on Fri Jun 09, 2017 9:11 pm

කිත්සිරි ද සිල්වා wrote:What a coincidence - I was a Marathon runner ! Embarassed


ඉස්සරත් ග්‍රීස් යක්කු ඉදල තියෙනවා එහෙනම්.... What a Face
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