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Join date : 2014-02-24
An ex-businessman, now bankrupt, is preparing to jump off a bridge...
As he's about to step into the void, a hand grabs him from behind.
He turns back annoyed and sees that the hand belongs to an old bearded overweight guy.
"Why did you stop me you old fool?"
"Have you gone mad my son? You were about to kill yourself!" The old man exclaims with a booming voice.
"I have nothing to live for anymore! Just let me end it!"
"Listen my son. I'm Santa Claus and I'm just here on vacation. But if you'd like, tell me what the problem is and maybe we can fix it." Said the old man with genuine concern.
"OK Santa, I'll tell you" the businessman shrugged "I used to be a really successful businessman. I had it all, amazing cars, beautiful women, loads of money. But now I lost it all thanks to the stock market crash. So I have nothing to live for."
"That's what got you in such melancholy? My boy, my boy! Tomorrow morning at 10, come here on this bridge and there will be a brand new Lamborghini waiting just for you!"
The businessman is surprised, then ecstatic. He grabs Santa and kisses him on both cheeks and then starts crying with joy. They sit down and talk for a while. But when they start discussing women, the businessman is depressed again.
"Oh Santa, I used to be such a playboy. Every single night I would bring home at least 2 different stunning and beautiful girls. Now, and at my age, I'll be lucky to find a mediocre girlfriend."
"That's what got you worried? Don't pout my son. In the Lamborghini tomorrow there will be 4 beautiful women waiting for you. They are all yours!"
The man starts hugging Santa again and says
"I'm sorry Santa, maybe it's too much, but since you are doing all this for me, could you give me back at least part of my wealth? I wasn't a greedy asshole like the rest of them. I used to spend it left and right and give to charities. I just enjoyed making people happy, and I'd like that back again."
"Sure my boy. One of the women tomorrow will have a suitcase with 1 billion dollars in it. It's all yours!"
"Oh thank you Santa, thank you so much. How could I ever repay you?"
"Well, there's one thing... I kinda miss my wife who had to stay at the North Pole, and especially... well this is embarassing... her blowjobs that she gave me every night. Would you give me a blowjob?"
The businessman is dumbfounded at first, but quickly steels himself
"Santa, you didn't just save my life, you gave it back to me as well. What you ask is the least I can do and I will gladly do it!"
"Brilliant my boy. My hotel isn't far from here. Follow me."
Santa leads the businessman to a hotel a couple blocks away. They go into Santa's bedroom and the businessman drops to his knees, unbuckles Santa's pants and goes to work. After they finish up, the business man goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Santa leans at the door and asks:
"My boy, you never told me your name"
"I'm Alex, Santa"
"Nice to meet you Alex. Tell me, how old are you?"
"I'm nearly 50, Santa"
"And in these 50 years of life, did it never occur to you Alex, that Santa Claus might not be real?"